I am hard at work on acquiring the next rejection letter for my files. I pursue things which add value to my development. I decided to retry for a competition I've been rejected from for years. One more time won't hurt. There is a lot to be gained from being a printed publication that reaches all of New England. Nothing happens without showing up each day to try. I am spending my valuable time AND money to keep trying. Every effort adds breath into this new life. One day I will defy gravity. Mark these words.
The work I chose to submit seemed trivial, just an exercise with no purpose. I ripped long strips of rice paper. I made marks with my left hand; dragging sticks and Hockamock swamp reed ends dipped in ink all over the paper. I threw the ink too. That always feels great. Recently someone said it all looked like dirty paper towels which was not exactly a compliment. So what. I loved making it and it is mine. I took it to the photographer's studio and stood it on its head because I had no idea how to present any of it. I stopped caring and just made it playtime. No one was going to die if this creation wasn't going to be the next Mona Lisa. I am not going to say rejection and disappointment doesn't exist because of this new attitude. It is just that that sort of thinking only tears down the fragility of this invisible thing I love and I won't do it. I just whisper it's ok, you are good enough for me. We all grew up in the same galaxy where you are either an outsider or 'in the club' with the popular kids. I can be a queen on the island of misfits and can also be proud of it. Come all ye spotted pachyderms and jelly-stained faces. We belong. We will built a boat and save ourselves.
The saying that art holds a mirror up to life is about looking from the outside in, not from inside the eye, looking out which is lizard brain activity. Most of us stumble in the dark, blind, and accompanied only by our reptilian cave reactions which often lead us repeatedly to the same pointless circles. But fumbling without light is good work. Time, money, and energy flushed down life's drain and wiped up with dirty paper towels are all important steps in living and learning until something starts to shine light back. If you can see as a mirror does, excellent job on your part. Please go into teaching, the world needs you.
In Language Is A Virus, Laurie Anderson sings 'Paradise is exactly where you are right now, only much, much better'. I think she was suggesting to stay put and just look at everything another way.
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| rising and falling |
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| spirited away |
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| cradling |
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| out there |
